I’m totally a vegetarian. Hardcore. Dedicated. Love being a vegetarian. Love it.

So, if anyone feels like I am making fun of my fellow veggies a little, well… I am. But it’s out of love. I love you guys.

The one thing I don’t like about being a vegetarian is talking to people about being a vegetarian. I don’t want to proselytize it. It’s my lifestyle and I like it. Why does anyone need to know why I chose it? Why does anyone need to debate with me about it? Just leave it.

It always feels to me that people who get pushy about folks who choose the veggie lifestyle do it passive aggressively. Eating is pretty fundamental, after all, so they seem to be threatened by someone who opts to eat a pretty different way than they do.

Just leave it alone, though. If you’re not a vegetarian and know someone who is, pass on making chit chat out of questions like: well do you eat eggs? That celery was once alive, wasn’t it? Hey, animals eat each other all the time, don’t they?

The truth is, if you’re about to ask a question along those lines, it’s probably because a vegetarian just said something to you like, “Oh, I can’t have that because I’m a vegetarian,” and, for the moment, knowing that he can’t have whatever that was is probably all the more you need to know. Ask him what he thinks about The Yankees this year if you’re struggling to make chitchat. Or just eat. If you like eating meat so much then leave me alone and have some more.

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↓ Transcript
Panel 1. TV and a hipster are seen from behind looking up at a takeout menu at a lunch spot.
TV: Want to split some tatchoes?
Hipster: What are "tatchoes?"
TV: Tater-tots covered in beef and cheese.

Panel 2.
Hipster: Can't. I'm vegetarian.

Panel 3. They are now seen from the front.
TV: Oh. I heard it wasn't cool to be a vegetarian any more.

Panel 4. Hipster has turned slightly toward TV.
TV: I read it in VIBE.